I need a nap...

Life updates: Finally got a sewing machine. It's different from the ones I've used in the past, so I'm learning some new stuff. First order of business was sewing a test square, then I quickly put the pocket back in a lil skirt made from an old pair of sweatpants (I'm not actually finished with it. I need to add ruffles to the bottom of it.) I'll post a pic when I'm finished.

Next I'll be modding an old parody t-shirt I used to wear. I'll definitely share a pic of it too when I'm finished.
I also got a really nice lil day planner with the help of Amazon giftcard. ^_^ Yay, love presents!
I wanted something that could withstand the test of time, but I also wanted something cheaper to spare giftcard funds. I opted for a Filofax as I've heard good things, but I also opted for a plain one. It will be dedicated to: finances, shopping, & medical info/appointments.

With the leftover funds, I grabbed a cheap big bundle of melamine foam rectangles. If you don't know what that is, you probably know it by the name "Mr. Clean Magic Eraser". Seriously, don't buy brand name. All you are paying for is the fancy name and nice packaging.

When I went to the Rheumy recently, I also found a nice big binder to use for organising my days/the housework I'm capable of/social life (yes, I still have a social life, sort of...) I found it when I stopped into a dept store, and they had a section of clearanced stationary items. I got this binder for only $5.00 (rounding up). It is "Mead Pro Platinum - 1 ¹⁄₂" binder + interior expanding file".

In medical news:

It's still proving next to impossible to get that damn Rheumy to take me seriously. I'm trying to be strong and positive, but sometimes it hurts so much I'm convinced I'm dying, or that I'd be better off dead. I have to be so careful of things, because various joints bend further back than they should, like my elbow... my right arm sometimes slips and hangs off the bed at night, and when that happens the elbow bends back too far, and I sometimes end up with a 'stuck' elbow. Usually though, it's just a terrible soul-wrenching pain...

IDK... the doctors are such gatekeepers of health... it feels like they are standing in my way of getting healthier. They keep doubting me, gaslighting me to the point that now I doubt myself. I became convinced for a time that maybe I wasn't really hypermobile, that maybe my past diagnosis was wrong. But, then I end up overly bendy, wobbly, and slipping out in various places.

I put off going to the doctor now.

I have such a fear of going to the doctor... any doctor.

Just thinking about going, thinking about doctors visits is stressful. I can feel my heart beating faster, and I am growing more nervous - so I need to focus on anything but that.

I'm just so exhausted with doctors insinuating that I'm lying about my self-care, about what I eat, and what I do with my days.

I'm especially tired of the ones who feel completely in the right with mocking my weight/looks, and blaming that for ALL my health problems. I could come in with a missing limb and they'd tell me to "try a diet!" IF YOU ARE A DOCTOR OR PLANNING TO BE ONE: Weight gain can be a symptom of an illness. Stop jumping to the belief that weight gain is the cause of illnesses.

I'm exhausted with doctors.

The Hippocratic oath has become the Hypocrites oath.

I'm going to end up dying from something ridiculously preventable.

Welcome to the U.S.A. - We're # DEADLAST - woohoo! :-(