So... Our digital camera died. I guess it was about time, because it was an OLD camera. A Nikon Coolpix, I bought it about 10 years ago. It lasted a LONG time. It's passed through many hands with my friends and family, and held up to lots of abuse. I'll miss it...

The down side of this? I can't take pics of the things I've been knitting, my progress with the things I've screwed up and ultimately had to frog, and other crafted items.

Oh, and I had to frog the cardigan I was knitting. ಠ▃ಠ I sometimes have breakthrough seizures, and I'd zone out while knitting, and I'd keep repeating m1's when I didn't need to. Totally screwed up, have to start over. Even though the gabapentin makes me drowsy, it seems to have added some extra seizure control, which is nice. I'm going to re-attempt the cardigan once I finish some of the other things I'm working on. I'm wanting some FINISHED OBJECTS for a change. (^-^)

Health-wise: 

Yea, still got the back pain, but the muscle pain has dramatically decreased. Joint pains are still there, but the doctor says that every 5lbs (2.2kgs) lost will feel like 10lbs (4.5kgs) off my joints. So I'm forcing myself to be more active, even on days when I just want to lay in bed crying. 

Sometimes I end up staying in the room, hiding, but that's more a problem with my agoraphobia. It gets really bad at times, and it's hard for me to simply leave the room to do anything. I don't know why...

The panic attacks, they seem to have worsened. I attribute this to a loss of control on my part. I've been very terrible about not staying in complete control. I have got to whip this house into tip top shape. A place for everything, everything in its place. If I stay focused on my goals, and keep achieving them, I won't panic. It's better than Lorazepam! :-p I really don't find the OCD a problem. It actually keeps me functional. It's only a problem when I do stupid things, like becoming obsessed with only eating foods of a certain color, or not being able to touch things that are the slightest bit dirty.

My phobias are still controlling me. Each time I think I'm getting better, a spider, or a ladybug, or a butterfly/moth has to show up and freak me the hell out. Then I end up having nightmares... I'm still not able to watch anything with zombies without being plagued with nightmares for weeks, plus the irrational obsession that zombies are coming. Logically I know they aren't real, but dammit it's the most irrational phobia I have, and it's stupid, and I hate myself for having it.


I had started playing Dragon Age, but currently my party is lost in the underground caves looking for a missing dwarf lady and either a boy or his remains... I still can't figure out how to open locked boxes, and when I ask for help online, guys act like real jerks. They start saying things like, "What, R U sum kinda pussie? Can't even figore that out?! LOL" or "Ur dum, u play like a girl if u don't _insert whatever I'm supposed to just automatically understand, because if they know it, I should too, obviously_!!!" ... There's a lot of sexism and elitism in the gaming world... I don't like announcing I'm a female, because then I get even MORE abusive messages on those communities, such as creepy requests for BOOBIE pics and the like. Plus, they tend to not take me seriously as a gamer, which is highly insulting. The problem, imo, results from females who post pics of themselves (usually incredibly made up, with some photoshopping going on) naked/half-naked with controllers and the like, sometimes doing sexual things to the objects. They'll sometimes tag the images with statements like, "OMG, I'M SUCH A NERD" or "OMG, I LOVE GAMING SO MUCH". Guys end up thinking all women who have such hobbies are only doing so for male attention, and as a result won't take us seriously as equals. It's frustrating. I don't see why they can't look at those females as individuals who are doing their own thing, and it has no connection to what other women may/may not do.
Maybe I'm being overly sensitive...


enough rambling, time to be useful. I'm going to reorganize my closet, because it's a MESS.